I hate to say it…

Hopeless. Broken. Forsaken. Unloved. Are these the feelings of a christian?

Lost. Hurt. Abused. Denied. Rejected. Mocked. Feared. Gossiped about. Is this the life of a saint of God?

I hate sin and the devil and the world. I really really do. But God really uses them.

Remember how Jesus taught us not to judge based on a nice, neat exterior because there may be rotting bones inside?

Matthew 23 27 ‘Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and uncleanness. 28 So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.

I hate this sick world but God does use it. It’s hard to love God if you have not suffered! I don’t want people to be abused. I don’t want husbands to not be there. I don’t want people to have nearly every part of their life plagued with dysfunction. I ALSO DON’T WANT HELL FOR PEOPLE EITHER!

I have never felt this way in my life. Never felt before what I am about to say. I must tell the truth though. I must testify to the greatness of God: I am grateful for bad leadership in my life. It led to hurt and suffering for me. It also led to sin. If I have hoped in Jesus Christ for the saving of my soul, and I hate my sin as I ought, my sin can’t keep me out of heaven. Trials cannot keep me from the Lord. A fake heart can. A heart that happily finds peace and consolation in this world-outside of the blood stained cross-will.

Romans 7 15 For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16 Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. 17 So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right but not the ability to carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.

Romans 8 10 But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. 11 If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you. 18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

I mean it when I say I want to know God! In this world I have nothing. I am nothing.

I don’t like being persecuted-insults under people’s breath. Being used. Being mocked. I don’t like being told I am worthless. But guess what? If it cleanses by cold, dead ugly heart then bring it on. I’ll take it another 70 years of it! I want to be with Him. I want to know God so bad.

God please don’t let me keep me out of your heaven. Please let me remain in you until you come back. No. Matter. What.

Job 13 15 Though he slay me, I will hope in him…

Jesus spoke these gracious words and preached that He was the fulfillment of an incredible prophesy.

Luke 4 17 And the scroll of the prophet Isaiah was given to him. He unrolled the scroll and found the place where it was written, 18 ‘The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, 19 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.’

But what did it cost the Son of God? What did this glorious spiritual inheritance cost Jesus?

Isaiah 53 1 Who has believed what he has heard from us? And to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed? 2 For he grew up before him like a young plant, and like a root out of dry ground; he had no form or majesty that we should look at him, and no beauty that we should look at him, and no beauty that we should desire him. 3 He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. 4 Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. 5 But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. 6 All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned-every one-to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all. 7 He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth; like a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so he opened not his mouth 8 By oppression and judgment he was taken away; and as for his generation, who considered that he was cut off out of the land of the living, stricken for the transgression of my people? 9 And they made his grave with the wicked and with a man in his death, although he had done no violence, and there was no deceit in his mouth. 10 Yet it was the will of the LORD to crush him; he has put him to grief; when his soul makes an offering for guilt, he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days; the will of the LORD shall prosper in his hand. 11 Out of the anguish of his soul he shall see and be satisfied; by his knowledge shall the righteous one, my servant, make many to be accounted righteous, and he shall bear their iniquities.

If we are going to follow Jesus it will cost up something. Friends. Beauty. Wealth. A home. Even family. Something we love. Something we value. Jesus comes at a cost. Are you willing to pay the price?

Psalm 13 1 How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? 2 How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? 3 Consider ¬†and answer me, O LORD my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death, 4 lest my enemy say, ‘I have prevailed over him,’ lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken. 5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. 6 I will sing to the LORD, because he has dealt bountifully with me.

HE HAS DEALT BOUNTIFULLY WITH ME IN MY SUFFERING AND ALL THINGS! AMEN AND AMEN.